Emma Watson the Front Runner to Star in “Fifty Shades of Grey?”

Dear Emma Watson: 

Please do not take this role.  First off, this movie is based on a series of novels based on erotic Twatlight fanfic.  And it’s not even good fanfic.  And it’s not even that erotic – well, unless you’re a middle aged woman not having any type of decent sex regularly, I guess.  Also, like Twatlight, the female character doesn’t seem to have a brain or backbone, and the male character is a creepy control-freak stalker.  

Secondly, and on a more selfish note, I do not want to see Hermione Granger get a tampon ripped from her vag by her lover as they begin to have bloody uterine-wall shedding sex in a bathroom. (Yes, that actually happens in the books.)

Sincerely, 

Ripley 

As you may have gathered from my short open letter above, Emma Watson has emerged as the latest name said to be seriously considered for the role of Anastasia Steele in the film version of the E.L. James novel “Fifty Shades of Shit.” As you also may have gathered, I am not at all pleased with this fuckery.

Examiner.com says producers Dana Brunetti and Michael De Luca have zeroed in on Hermione to portray Bella Swan Ana Steele in the sexy BDSM film (except there’s not a whole lot of  BDSM in the book – and what is there I would just classify as “slightly kinky.” Just sayin’.)

However, though Emma’s name is being linked to the role, Michael De Luca twatted out to his followers that everyone needs to calm their tits – a casting decision hasn’t come just yet:

“All of the rumors on #FiftyShades are just that – rumors. No one has been cast in any role. We have to get a writer and director first.”

This mollifies me somewhat – for now.  I would just like to ask every actor and actress that I enjoy to please avoid this role.  I can’t with these novels and I doubt I can with the movie.  It’s just too terrible for me to take.

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