Things You Didn’t Need to Know: Tom Cruise Kept “Cock Rock of Ages” Codpiece

Tammy as Stacee Jaxx

Tom Cruise is keeping my gag reflex working while he’s on the press circuit  for Cock of Ages, that’s for sure.  Whether it’s posing shirtless and tatted up while sporting guyliner as the flick’s aging 80′s hair band rocker Stacee Jaxx, or singing his Xenu-awful cover of Def Leppard’s Pour Some Sugar on MeTommy is sure to cause a bit of bile to rise up to the mid-levels of your esophagus.

In his latest interview with the E! Newwws, he’s done it again.  This time, it’s revealing his characters name would’ve been more aptly named Stacee Joxx, because he had a magnum-sized dragon codpiece – one Tammy Girl liked so much, he took home for Stepford Katie:

Cruise walked away with a bejeweled, dragon-shaped—get this!—codpiece, which we get to see via an extreme closeup while Cruise is in bed with two women.

“Yeah, I wear it and I keep it,” Cruise, 49, told us at the Hollywood premiere of the flick (in theaters on Friday).

So what did Holmes think of the rock star wear? “She laughed,” Cruise smiled. “It’s hilarious.”

If by “She laughed,” he means “recoiled in horror,” and “It’s hilarious,” should read “it’s terrifying,” I believe this to be true.  The mere thought of  Tammy wearing a dragon codpiece is enough to make me want to expunge my inner Thetans, so I don’t need to actually see it on a big screen.  Cock of Ages is classified as a “drama, comedy and musical,” but I think horror would be more fitting.

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