Kobe and Vanessa Bryant’s Divorce is OFF

Vanessa, girl, this move is worthy of Five-of-Five Golden Shovels and an automatic induction into the Gold Digger’s Hall of Fame! 

The divorce between Kobe and Vanessa were speculated to have been working things out since Vanessa was spotted at a Lakers’ game back on Valentine’s Day.  According to TMZ, while they’ve had their ups and downs, they’ve decided to stay together.  Vanessa could file final docs on Monday to make the divorce final under California law, but for now, she won’t.

However, should Kobe go back to his philandering ways, the paperwork could be filed and the marriage would end officially, as the six month waiting period from the initial divorce filing has already been completed.  And – even sweeter for Vanessa – if and when (most likely when) Kobe moves back into their marital home, it’ll be in Vanessa’s name, because he signed all 3 of their mansions over to her!

So let’s go down this checklist really quick:

  • Vanessa owns all the marital property right now
  • Kobe made even more money over the past NBA season – which is now half Vanessa’s, too
  • There is no pre-nup
  • She could end things at any time, and take HALF with the house – and as every day passes and Kobe earns money from the Lakers and endorsement contracts, she gets richer, too

Damn it, Vanessa, I’m in awe.  Gold digging on this type of scale hasn’t been seen since San Francisco in 1849 – this is some professional shit!  If she were an actress, you’d win all the Golden Globes! If it were an Olympic sport, you’d get all the gold medals because silver and bronze are for lame bitches like any Real Housewife.

We should all clink our gold shovels together in Vanessa’s honor, cause she’s got Kobe by the short hairs.  Get that money, girl – we can’t even hate on a game as good as yours.


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