I Have Seen Tom Cruise’s Happy Trail and Now I Want to Kill Myself

Tammy’s face is looking as photoshopped as a Kardashian on the June cover of W

Oh my God.  If I hadn’t already come to the conclusion that Cock Rock of Ages was going to be a musical shitfest of epic proportions and there was no way I was ever going to watch it, W Magazine’s pictorial of  Tammy as Stacee Jaxx in W would’ve  convinced me to stay far, far away from the film.

In the June 2012 issue of W, Tom Cruise is in dire need of a shirt, as he sports fake tattoos, hair extensions and guyliner (No. Never unless you’re the flawless Brandon Flowers) to promote Cock of Ages. And let me assure you, ladies and gents, Tammy shirtless and wearing makeup is a horrifying visual.

No. Just NO.

Anyhoo, here are some excerpts from the interview but OMG WHO CARES MY EYES.

On why he chose to do a musical: 

Kate [Holmes, Cruise’s wife] loves musicals. She sings and dances, and we kind of went through the history of musicals together. And Suri loved Hairspray. With kids, you watch everything over and over; I watched Hairspray 15 times with Suri. I thought Adam Shankman did a great job directing the movie, so I arranged to meet him and said, “Where’s our musical?” He came back and said, “Rock of Ages.” We went and saw it in L.A., and for me…I didn’t know how to play the character like that. I had to find my own Stacee Jaxx.

On assuring us HE LIKES GIRLS: 

You know what? I did the scene from Risky Business around the house. I would sing Bob Seger—my mother worked, my sisters were out, and I’d turn the music up. I learned how to dance watching Soul Train. I noticed that if a guy could dance, he’d get a lot of attention and girls would want to dance with him. I worked very hard at imitating those moves.

Grossing us out with being sexy in Cock of Ages:

I knew we had to push the sexuality because of the nature of the character and the songs. He’s singing, “I Want to Know What Love Is.” Adam has a sweetness with this stuff, so you can push things pretty hard. With Malin, I thought of Susan Sarandon in The Rocky Horror Picture Show—incredibly sexy and very sweet.

You can read the full interview and see all the pics from the photoshoot here.

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