That collective cry of “Noooo” you hear from voices in the distance is the sound of America reading the report from the NY Post saying Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is pregnant.
According to the paper, though Snooki has been denying she’s carrying the child of boyfriend Jionni LaValle, she’s roughly three months along. The paper says Jersey Shore’s resident drunk had to lie as she already had an exclusive deal with a magazine to announce the news.
Supposedly, Snooki wants to utilize this pregnancy to become the “next Kim Kardashian.”
Because that’s exactly what the world needs.
Sources say that MTV is not sure how to deal with the news. Snooki, as one of the network’s biggest stars (read: trainwrecks), is known for her hard partying ways – so much so that she and Shore cast mate Jennifer – JWoww – Farley had just been given their own spinoff.
An insider says, “They’re trying to hide it because it would greatly affect the creative direction of the show. ”
Filming has already begun on the new series, though it has yet to receive a title.
Both MTV and Snooki’s rep declined to comment on this story.
I pray to <insert deity here> that this is not true. Snooki being pregnant
ever at this point in her life is the very definition of “This won’t end well.”